I Asked the Government About UFOs and They Sent Me a Pamphlet About Stress Management

Here's the thing about FOIA requests: they work. Sometimes. The government has actually released some genuinely wild UAP documentation over the past few years — videos, incident reports, the whole thing. The 2017 New York Times story that blew the lid off the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program? That happened because someone filed paperwork. So the process isn't useless. It's just deeply, almost poetically, inconsistent.

When I submitted my request, I specified three bases with documented UAP incident histories. I listed the years. I cited the relevant executive orders. I used the correct form, submitted it through the correct portal, and waited the legally mandated 20 business days. What arrived was a manila envelope containing: one stress management pamphlet, one generic response letter, and — this is real — a bookmark with a sunset on it. No explanation for the bookmark.

I'm not saying this proves anything. Bureaucratic chaos explains a lot. But it's worth noting that the government has simultaneously said 'UAPs are a serious national security concern' and 'we have no records about UAPs at these specific locations.' Those two things can both be true. They can also both be a little suspicious. You're allowed to hold both thoughts at once.

I did re-submit the request with a more specific date range. I also kept the bookmark. It's actually quite nice. Whether or not we ever get real answers about what's flying around in restricted airspace, I think we can all agree the government could stand to be a little clearer about what 'no responsive records' actually means. I have filed a follow-up. I remain optimistic. Cautiously.